Coping with Loss
The journey of losing a child is difficult to navigate, impossible to travel alone. Within the wake of losing my three year old son all I can really remember are blurry moments of sheer pain and agony. All those moments blend together with one common thread. I was always leaning on someone, mostly my husband, my sisters, my dad, my mom anyone that was within my grasp received my breathless latch. For a few days I was silent. I never fell asleep for fear of reliving the horror. It took two days for me to eat and I cried until my eyes dried up, then cried again.
After the dust settled I remember thinking I needed to share. I needed to write what I was feeling right at that very moment no matter how morbid or sad. The only thing that helped me cope was being around people and talking about my son and how incredible he was and how incredibly hard life after loss is. I wanted to share because it is my story and hopefully I could help another who has also been forced to explore rock bottom.
Ryan’s death was sudden, however even if you see it coming or are forced to watch it happen in a hospital, losing your child will forever be a shock. Even now, one year later, my lungs become void of breath when I smell or see something that reminds me of my son. Forever we live in a state of pain. Forever we live in a state of beauty as well. The beauty lies within the idea of your child watching, guarding you from Heaven. The beauty lives in our will to carry on and live despite our tragedy.
Below are a few posts that I wrote after saying Goodbye to Ryan. Even if just one person finds comfort in my words, it makes sharing all the worth in the world. It is important to know that nothing will help, nothing will take the pain away … but we can be mad and sad and cry and smile as we navigate this together.