Our First Fourth As A Family Of Four

Holidays are hard. I know I have said this at every holiday since losing Ryan. But its the truth. Holidays always come with excitement and fun plans layered thick with “I wish Ryan were here…” During these celebratory days I always remember how life was with Ryan. Thinking of our holidays together bring a hint of sadness, a bit of hardship. Though, those thoughts do bring a smile, a laugh and incredible memories that I am beyond grateful for. Within our three years together we had the best time! Times that must be honored.

With Mila in tow I think Dan and I have a new sense of life. Our pain a little less. Our happiness a little more fierce. We get to experience holidays with Mila and sort of pick back up our family traditions that we started with Ryan. We get to add Mila to the mix and do holidays together as a family and find ways to incorporate her big brother at the same time. Finally I feel a little more good than bad these days. With new days comes new strength.

On the morning of the fourth I woke up expecting to feel upset. Frustrated with another holiday with out Ry. But I honestly woke up excited to show Mila just how exciting the fourth of July can be. Plus, Dan and I decided to spend the holiday at Disneyland with our friends. I mean you can’t go wrong with that idea. I woke up with Ryan on my mind and felt his excitement within me. I believe he wanted to help me give Mila the best day possible. Which pretty much it was.

It was the best holiday Dan and I have had since losing Ryan. Our best holiday since two years ago. Two whole years. I used to get so damn frustrated with people when they would tell me “Give it time. Give it time.” Like time will do something that will help me with the sheer pain I feel after being forced to say goodbye to Ryan? Well, the fourth of July was the first day I began to truly understand that time may just heal. Time is good.

We celebrated Mila's first fourth of July with Disney rides and fireworks. We bought a red balloon for Ryan and carried it with us all day. Dan and I ran around like animals and had the best time. We also went swimming somewhere in the middle of all that. I also bought a Monsters Inc. University hat and had the words "Mousky Mousky" embroidered on it. Ryan loved that movie and he couldn't say 'Mike Wazowski' (the tiny green monster) instead he would say "Mousky Mousky". The photos below aren't the best, but I love them. I hope you all had the best holiday with those that you love!