Well, I just sat down to write this post and my first thought was "I made it through with zero tears!" That is something to be announced, because most holidays I'm an emotional, blubbering mess and feel quite guilty for struggling to pull together a happy face for my daughter and husband. But, we are a breath away from a full three years with out Ryan and my heart seems to be running ragged. It feels as though I can make progress like not crying on Easter, only to take a few steps backwards as I can barley manage to make it out of the house. This cycle though, it will just keep going and going. I know that. I understand it. I've come to learn it and endure the process, learning from it. Growing from the grief if you will.
But this isn't about that. Because there were no tears shed on Easter! High Five! Easter was spent with my closest family members while we ate out weight in BBQ chicken and my cousins incredible baked beans. My egg hunt this year was the most fun yet! I added music and when the music stopped you had to freeze and relocate. Everyone was on the hunt and it was really awesome to watch. (I hope a few of you caught scenes from it on my Instagram story) My cousin has a beautiful tree in her front yard that was planted in memory of Ryan and I hid the big golden egg within his tree. I thought people would know exactly where the golden egg was, but it was one of the last eggs to be found! My brother Tre' found it and inside was a $50 gift card to Cheesecake Factory. Which he was thrilled about haha! This year I also hid tiny alcohol bottles inside the eggs (for the adults) and dollar bills. I love getting the adults involved. Watching my Dad hunt just has hard as the children was hilarious!
As this was Mila's second Easter she was a bit more excited than last year. I loved the way she exclaimed "oooooooh!" after she pulled out each thing from her Easter basket. I stuffed her basket full of peanut butter pretzels, goldfish, Sing the movie, a Trolls doll, a Trolls hug time watch and a new sippy cup from Lollaland. Though she of course found a chocolate marshmallow bunny, figured out how to open the wrapper and went to town. I couldn't even stop her, I didn't want to! Her determination was kind of amazing to watch and the chocolate beard is a memory I'll never forgot.
I didn't cry this Easter. I missed Ryan, but I never felt with out because his presence was fierce. He was there and had fun alongside his family. Holidays will forever be tough. I feel tougher though and finding tiny ways to always make Ryan physically present will always be helpful. Here are a few of my favorite photos from our really, really great day!