My husband Dan and I met our sophomore year of college back in 2004. We started dating shortly after and I wish I could say the rest is history.
Though somehow we broke up our senior year in hopes of “finding ourselves” apart from each other. While separated we became best friends. We morphed into ‘Dan and Jacqui’, our friends and family never truly knew if we were dating still or just friends. I don’t think we really knew, we just loved each other and had fun when were together and when we are apart. After college Dan when on to find a job and I moved to Costa Rica. Time passed and we still were connected, talking almost everyday online. When I moved back I went to grad-school and Dan worked. We officially started dating again. Things were great! Until we had the scare of a lifetime and found out I was pregnant. With mixed emotions; fear, excitement and “can we really do this? be parents and all?” Dan and I moved into together and soon I gave birth to a beautiful baby boy named Ryan. He had bright red hair and the three of us lived happily in a tiny apartment in Los Angeles.
I started this space, Baby Boy Bakery, when Ryan was a baby. I strived daily to make everyday exciting for Ryan and shared every last detail here on my blog. Life happened so gorgeously and we couldn’t have dreamed of a better child. Ryan was perfection. Right before our son Ryan turned three Dan and I got married. Dan proposed to me at Disneyland in front of Snow White’s castle and Ryan was there too. It was all pretty special! At last it seemed that ‘Dan and Jacqui’ had figured things out and were well on their way to being a happy old married couple with a wild son and big hopes for the future.
My husband Dan and I welcomed our second child, Mila in December of 2015. Mila has bright red hair and the three of us live in a tiny apartment in Los Angeles. Well, the four of us. We are a family of four and I do my best to incorporate both my children in all that we do. Today my family and I live our life to the fullest and seek adventure everyday. Big or small we love to find fun everywhere and we take you all along with us! We hope to inspire and showcase that life is tricky and hard and really sad, but it is also beautiful and exciting and full of happy moments. Life is hard, but worth it and we hope to really drive home that notion with everything we do here.
You know when life is pressing along and things seem great and then all of a sudden something happens that rips it all apart? Something only parents have nightmares about happens in real life and leaves you shattered in a million pieces. Our son Ryan passed away when he was three and half. I will tell you right now, we never talk about how he passed because truthfully it doesn’t even matter. He is gone and it happened so fast.
We try really hard to focus on remembering Ryan and all the good about him.
Never do we focus, think or dwell on how he left us. In mere moments our life that was feeling so wonderful and then it quickly turned into burning hell. The days afterward were pretty much mush. I remember eating donuts, crying, screaming at family members to “Please Remember My Son!” and gripping onto my husband’s arm. Dan and I never left each others side for fear of losing one another in the midst of losing our son. It was like we were the only ones in the world who stopped while everyone else kept moving. It took two weeks for me to come to and realize that I had to write out my feelings of loss and grief. In those two weeks my online community showed up by the thousands. So many kind people, kind strangers pouring our support and sending their love to us and for our son Ryan. I made the decision the continue this space online I created with my son when he was baby in honor of him. I write here and share our family’s story in hopes of keeping Ryan alive and proving that even after heartache can come wonderful things.